Preface Positively

Before launching into specific issues you want your child to change or improve, preface your comments with a positive statement, suggests educator Becky L. Spivey, with the Handy Handouts website. Talking about something your child performs well or has a special knack for can help place your child in a more receptive position for the constructive criticism that follows. For example, you might say, “I really appreciate how willing you are to help me with chores. It’s always nice to work with you.”

Address the Issue

Confine your criticism to whatever issue or mistake you want to address without aiming criticism directly toward your child. By discussing the problem without attacking or belittling your child, you keep the criticism constructive and you reduce the likelihood that your child will feel attacked by your words. Instead of saying, “You didn’t do this correctly,” you might say instead, “It looks like we should try folding this shirt again.”

I Statements

Avoid wording criticism with the word “you” as you direct it to your child, recommends psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, writing for the "Psychology Today" website. When your statements contain “you” phrases, they often sound highly critical and confrontational. Conversely, when statements contain “I” phrases, they usually sound more constructive. An “I" statement might sound like this: “I can see you’ve made a lot of progress in cleaning your room. I think your dresser and bookshelf still need dusting, though.”

Tone of Voice

Mind your tone of voice as you deliver constructive criticism. If your tone of voice communicates anger, exasperation or frustration, your efforts may fall short. Never resort to name-calling or assigning labels to your child or his behavior, because these tactics generally place a negative spin on any criticism you deliver. The goal of constructive criticism should be to educate and edify, not embarrass or punish a child.