I often get emails from people who say that they feel "disconnected" or "distant" from their spouse.
  Many will take this one step even further and feel that this is the first step to the chemistry or spark being gone and in "falling out of love.
"  Some even go further than this and tell me that they think that they may want a divorce.
I understand that it can feel really "off" and discouraging to feel lonely or alone in your own marriage or that you just don't have a connection with your spouse anymore.
  But, I also suspect that if you were perfectly at peace with your decision or the way that your thought process was going, you would not have found this article.
  I honestly believe that it's at least worth a try to make an attempt to reconnect.
  Because often many of the factors that are going on in our life contribute to a sense of disconnect - and not just with our spouse - with everyone.
  Sometimes, if you can change the circumstances, you can also change the feelings.
I am living proof of this.
Understanding The Disconnected Society We Live In:  Our world is not really all that conducive to taking the time to nurture our relationships and to really take the time to connect one on one.
  Technology that allows you to "keep in touch" with only a few sentences and the blinking words on the screen ensures that we are short and hurried.
  Since it's oh so easy to keep in touch on Twitter and Facebook (mostly with limited characters) it's common to say a lot while really not saying much of anything.
This technology does allow us to keep in touch with folks who we otherwise would not interact with, but it is no replacement for face to face connections and it should not contribute to us interacting with our spouses this way.
 Still, there is no denying that we live in an unbelievably fast paced society which is full of distraction and obligations.
It's very easy to assume that those closest to us know that we care and understand our burdens.
Unfortunately, good intentions do not carry a marriage or ensure that we remain fully connected.
We unfortunately can not control our society, but we can control that boundaries and commitments that we place on our relationships.
  We make choices about how to spend our time each and every day, but the one's closest to us and most deserving of our time sometimes come up on the short side of this because we assume that they know that we care or that they will always be there for us and then we are surprised and upset when the changes and shifts start to appear in our relationships Beginning To Reconnect With Your Spouse In The Hopes Of Avoiding Divorce: Many people who write to me are deep down troubled by this disconnect and they wish that it could change.
  But, they just don't know how to start and they have developed some long term habits that have started to define the relationship.
  It's often hard to get started or to go out on a limb and be the one who begins to make the changes.
  I completely understand this, but know that stepping out of your comfort zone is the first step toward making meaningful changes.
And, don't worry.
  You don't have to make any drastic changes.
Its better that they are gradual anyway.
  You can start by looking at the relationship with fresh eyes.
 What has changed between now and the time when you felt most connected?  I can tell you that most people will tell me that today, they have kids and obligations and just not enough time for each other.
  This is universal to almost everyone.
  And, honestly, you can not really change the fact that your have kids and that your life is busy and you probably would not want to.
  But what you can change are the ways in which you prioritize how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
  Because often when you are "falling in love" with the person who is now your spouse, more is going on than just chemistry.
  You are both enthusiastic, willing, and in the right frame of mind to move forward.
  You are both on your best behavior - complementary, polite, attentive, thoughtful, and interested.
  These things obviously go along way toward feeling connected and to moving things along.
  But, how many of these things are you exhibiting today? And how does this omission affect the way that you feel? Because make no mistake.
  The circumstances drastically affect the way that you feel, but most people are not able to see the correlation until it's almost too late.
Focus on the things that the two of you might enjoy and might allow those attributes that were plentiful when you were connecting to come to the forefront.
  Promise yourself that you will put forth this effort with an open mind.
  If it doesn't work, then you are no worse off than you are now.
  And at least you will know that you made a sincere effort before you move forward toward the next step.