I get a lot of emails from wives and girlfriends who are looking for something to do or something to say to make a man stay who has made very clear he wants to leave.
I often hear from wives whose husband wants a break, separation, or divorce and is getting ready to leave the home.
Or, I hear from girlfriends who have a man who wants to end the relationship.
So, the women in this situation are often looking for the magical solution that is going to change his mind quickly and decidedly enough to make him want to stay.
And, it seems that the worse the man wants to go or the sooner he is going to leave, the more the woman feels that she needs an immediate and drastic plan.
Unfortunately, some women take this a step too far and only make their situations worse.
I've had women ask me if they should try to get pregnant to make him stay, or if they should makes serious or scary threats.
I understand how these can seem to be plausible ideas in the heat of the moment, but these type of things are often a very bad idea.
Any attempt to get him stay that isn't based on transparency and honesty will often backfire on you or make you appear in an even more negative light.
But, the good news is that there are often positive things that will eventually work just as well.
And these gradual things are often more lasting anyway, which is ultimately what you really want.
I will discuss this more in the following article.
Does It Really Want Out? Or Does He Just Want Space And Time?: Sometimes, a man just wants some time to sort out his feelings and see if how he feels without you is better than how he feels with you.
And, while he is evaluating this, you don't want for him to remember your actions right before he left as very negative or desperate ones.
You certainly don't want to make things worse for yourself.
So, you don't always have to react as though you'll never see him again when it may only be a short break that's on the horizon.
And, he may think that he wants one thing right now, only to conclude that he was wrong tomorrow.
That's why it's so important to put yourself in the best light because in the future, things might look very different.
Sometimes, buying time is actually the best thing that you can do.
Understanding Why He Wants Out Or What He Really Wants (Even If He Doesn't Understand It Himself:) Many women in this situation will focus solely on why he wants out and how she's going to counter his reasoning.
And, this can be important but it's not the only thing.
Quite often, he really doesn't understand it completely himself.
He will often only know that he thinks things would be better if you had a change.
He often just has general thoughts like the relationship isn't working, he isn't happy, or he needs some space.
So, trying to pinpoint "the answer" with all these generalities swimming around in his head is often a waste of time.
And sometimes, this process frustrates him as much as it does you so you're often better off focusing on the positive if only to bring a bit of relief to both of you.
Rather than trying to "overcome" everything he says, it's often better to just understand that an improvement to the way you relate to him and the way that he sees you will go a long way toward getting you the answers that you're trying to pry out of him right now.
Understanding The Importance Of Making Him Think You're On His Side And Want Him To Be Happy: Most men are fully aware that your goal is to change his mind.
To that end, he will often be that much more determined that you are not going to change it.
So, you have to get around this.
And the way to do that is to often go to his side of the fence.
Agree that things need to change.
Agree that you could both be more happy.
Tell him that his happiness is just as important to you as it is to him.
Because if he believes that you're on his side rather than only on your own, he's more apt to look at you, and eventually the relationship, more positive.
Yes, this can be a gradual process.
I have been in this situation and I know that most of us are looking for an immediate fix.
But often the immediate fix doesn't last.
In my experience, you are often much better off gradually showing him that you're on his side, gradually showing him the woman he first fell in love with, and gradually showing him his perceptions right now are wrong.
I often hear from wives whose husband wants a break, separation, or divorce and is getting ready to leave the home.
Or, I hear from girlfriends who have a man who wants to end the relationship.
So, the women in this situation are often looking for the magical solution that is going to change his mind quickly and decidedly enough to make him want to stay.
And, it seems that the worse the man wants to go or the sooner he is going to leave, the more the woman feels that she needs an immediate and drastic plan.
Unfortunately, some women take this a step too far and only make their situations worse.
I've had women ask me if they should try to get pregnant to make him stay, or if they should makes serious or scary threats.
I understand how these can seem to be plausible ideas in the heat of the moment, but these type of things are often a very bad idea.
Any attempt to get him stay that isn't based on transparency and honesty will often backfire on you or make you appear in an even more negative light.
But, the good news is that there are often positive things that will eventually work just as well.
And these gradual things are often more lasting anyway, which is ultimately what you really want.
I will discuss this more in the following article.
Does It Really Want Out? Or Does He Just Want Space And Time?: Sometimes, a man just wants some time to sort out his feelings and see if how he feels without you is better than how he feels with you.
And, while he is evaluating this, you don't want for him to remember your actions right before he left as very negative or desperate ones.
You certainly don't want to make things worse for yourself.
So, you don't always have to react as though you'll never see him again when it may only be a short break that's on the horizon.
And, he may think that he wants one thing right now, only to conclude that he was wrong tomorrow.
That's why it's so important to put yourself in the best light because in the future, things might look very different.
Sometimes, buying time is actually the best thing that you can do.
Understanding Why He Wants Out Or What He Really Wants (Even If He Doesn't Understand It Himself:) Many women in this situation will focus solely on why he wants out and how she's going to counter his reasoning.
And, this can be important but it's not the only thing.
Quite often, he really doesn't understand it completely himself.
He will often only know that he thinks things would be better if you had a change.
He often just has general thoughts like the relationship isn't working, he isn't happy, or he needs some space.
So, trying to pinpoint "the answer" with all these generalities swimming around in his head is often a waste of time.
And sometimes, this process frustrates him as much as it does you so you're often better off focusing on the positive if only to bring a bit of relief to both of you.
Rather than trying to "overcome" everything he says, it's often better to just understand that an improvement to the way you relate to him and the way that he sees you will go a long way toward getting you the answers that you're trying to pry out of him right now.
Understanding The Importance Of Making Him Think You're On His Side And Want Him To Be Happy: Most men are fully aware that your goal is to change his mind.
To that end, he will often be that much more determined that you are not going to change it.
So, you have to get around this.
And the way to do that is to often go to his side of the fence.
Agree that things need to change.
Agree that you could both be more happy.
Tell him that his happiness is just as important to you as it is to him.
Because if he believes that you're on his side rather than only on your own, he's more apt to look at you, and eventually the relationship, more positive.
Yes, this can be a gradual process.
I have been in this situation and I know that most of us are looking for an immediate fix.
But often the immediate fix doesn't last.
In my experience, you are often much better off gradually showing him that you're on his side, gradually showing him the woman he first fell in love with, and gradually showing him his perceptions right now are wrong.
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