Everyday it seems "divorce" is in the headlines. It is in the gossip pages as celebrity couples announce the end of the relationship, ongoing issues about financial settlements or child custody, as well as the follow-up stories about how everyone is coping with being single. There are also stories about divorce-related violence, the impact of facebook/social-media on marriages, and the effect of divorce on children living in poverty to name a few.
So often stories about divorce and it's effects are horrendous. The effects played out in the headlines most often discuss the specific horrific stories; stories that make couples and parents fear the life after deciding to end a relationship. However, divorce does happen - and it does not have to horrible.
The process of separating what was so effortlessly put together can trigger uncomfortable feelings and surprising resentments. So often the break-up specifics, or the divorce as a whole, doesn't seem fair - to be sure this is not what either spouse intended when certain choices were made: where to live, job/career, having children, or whether to spend now or save for later.
In addition those who are divorcing are so often starting the process from a place of sadness, hurt, disappointment, uncertainty, or even fear - this makes the process of divorce even harder.
No one is surprised when they hear a divorce horror story: "He left her with nothing", "She has been going through a divorce for three years", "He lost the kids", "The legal fees ate through their assets"…
However a couple's divorce story does not have to a tragedy.
Mediation allows those divorcing to decide how the story will unfold. No one is going to come out of a divorce or custody mediation session lamenting that they "lost everything", or having received an order to do something he or she disagrees with. Nor will the process drag on for months, much less years.
Divorce mediation allows the couple to act as the experts about what works for them. The couple works together with the mediator to create the solution that works for them. The focus is on peaceful and positive resolution, building on the smallest areas of agreement and working towards their shared interests. Most cases are completely resolved in a matter of hours. Even couples who are unable to speak to one another, much less agree on issues alone, can successfully mediate their divorce.
When I read stories of tragedy that appear to stem from a divorce or custody battle, I wonder if the outcome would have been different if the couple had sought the assistance of highly qualified mediator.
So often stories about divorce and it's effects are horrendous. The effects played out in the headlines most often discuss the specific horrific stories; stories that make couples and parents fear the life after deciding to end a relationship. However, divorce does happen - and it does not have to horrible.
The process of separating what was so effortlessly put together can trigger uncomfortable feelings and surprising resentments. So often the break-up specifics, or the divorce as a whole, doesn't seem fair - to be sure this is not what either spouse intended when certain choices were made: where to live, job/career, having children, or whether to spend now or save for later.
In addition those who are divorcing are so often starting the process from a place of sadness, hurt, disappointment, uncertainty, or even fear - this makes the process of divorce even harder.
No one is surprised when they hear a divorce horror story: "He left her with nothing", "She has been going through a divorce for three years", "He lost the kids", "The legal fees ate through their assets"…
However a couple's divorce story does not have to a tragedy.
Mediation allows those divorcing to decide how the story will unfold. No one is going to come out of a divorce or custody mediation session lamenting that they "lost everything", or having received an order to do something he or she disagrees with. Nor will the process drag on for months, much less years.
Divorce mediation allows the couple to act as the experts about what works for them. The couple works together with the mediator to create the solution that works for them. The focus is on peaceful and positive resolution, building on the smallest areas of agreement and working towards their shared interests. Most cases are completely resolved in a matter of hours. Even couples who are unable to speak to one another, much less agree on issues alone, can successfully mediate their divorce.
When I read stories of tragedy that appear to stem from a divorce or custody battle, I wonder if the outcome would have been different if the couple had sought the assistance of highly qualified mediator.
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