It doesn't matter if it's your first marriage, second marriage, third or 15th, if you don't know how to be married, none of them will work. I can assure you that 99% of all people who filed for divorce said it was their spouse's fault, they were innocent. Interestingly, their spouse said exactly the same thing.
This reminds me of the story of the king who wanted to find a way to prevent crime. He went to his prison to learn more about the criminal mind. When he met the first prisoner he was greeted very warmly by the man, who claimed to have been put in prison unjustly.
"My dear king," said the prisoner, "I am an innocent man who has been mistaken for the real criminal. Please secure my release so I can go back to leading a productive and serviceful life in your kingdom." The king was impressed with how nice the man was and promised to look into his case. The grateful man wept with joy in the presence of the king... As the king moved from cell to cell he heard similar renditions of innocence.
He was not prepared for what he came across when he entered the 34th cell. There was a man who was not very articulate and a bit scary looking. The king asked him his crime and the man bowed his head saying, "O King, I have done much evil..." Before he could list his crimes the king stood up and called out, "Gaurds! Release this man immediately! If he is not removed from this monastery of innocent saints he will corrupt them all!"
It is not entirely your fault that your marriages have not worked. If someone were to tell you, "Oh, go ahead, you can fly it, you don't need any training, everybody flies 747's," you would be in a heap of trouble. Our culture neither supports marriage nor advocates any kind of realistic training for married couples. The closest thing we have in our society to really good training on a large scale comes from religious groups which rely primarily on dogma and specific role designations. It works for some. But the vast majorities of married couples (who get a divorce or live miserably ever after) get turned on, fall in lust, fall in love and get married. I know because I have helped many of them turn their marriage around and they told me previously they had no clue.
Times are changing. The age of "prove it to me" is dawning and the dogma and rules of the past are being challenged in every aspect of life. You now have the ability to learn scientific methods for marriage; principles that will stop divorce and put you on the right track. Naturally there are those who profess to know and don't, just like anything else. But what you need to have a successful marriage is definitely out there.
What to look for:
What to avoid:
I know if you persist you will find what you need and can end your pattern of failure. Your second marriage can be a success. Marriage is meant to be joyous; enjoy it!
This reminds me of the story of the king who wanted to find a way to prevent crime. He went to his prison to learn more about the criminal mind. When he met the first prisoner he was greeted very warmly by the man, who claimed to have been put in prison unjustly.
"My dear king," said the prisoner, "I am an innocent man who has been mistaken for the real criminal. Please secure my release so I can go back to leading a productive and serviceful life in your kingdom." The king was impressed with how nice the man was and promised to look into his case. The grateful man wept with joy in the presence of the king... As the king moved from cell to cell he heard similar renditions of innocence.
He was not prepared for what he came across when he entered the 34th cell. There was a man who was not very articulate and a bit scary looking. The king asked him his crime and the man bowed his head saying, "O King, I have done much evil..." Before he could list his crimes the king stood up and called out, "Gaurds! Release this man immediately! If he is not removed from this monastery of innocent saints he will corrupt them all!"
It is not entirely your fault that your marriages have not worked. If someone were to tell you, "Oh, go ahead, you can fly it, you don't need any training, everybody flies 747's," you would be in a heap of trouble. Our culture neither supports marriage nor advocates any kind of realistic training for married couples. The closest thing we have in our society to really good training on a large scale comes from religious groups which rely primarily on dogma and specific role designations. It works for some. But the vast majorities of married couples (who get a divorce or live miserably ever after) get turned on, fall in lust, fall in love and get married. I know because I have helped many of them turn their marriage around and they told me previously they had no clue.
Times are changing. The age of "prove it to me" is dawning and the dogma and rules of the past are being challenged in every aspect of life. You now have the ability to learn scientific methods for marriage; principles that will stop divorce and put you on the right track. Naturally there are those who profess to know and don't, just like anything else. But what you need to have a successful marriage is definitely out there.
What to look for:
- A scientific approach that makes sense - if it is confusing it won't work for you
- A reasonable price tag - profit for knowledge is fine but the motive of the seller should not be money
- Near instant success - Any tool should work as soon as it is implemented
What to avoid:
- Western psychologists - They have "owned the game" long enough and there is a near 60% divorce rate. They don't know what they are doing.
- Elaborate programs - Maybe they work but they don't work any better than simple, straight-forward lessons or effective study groups such as seminars and retreats.
- Excuses - Marriage is simpler than any household device. If you know how to work it, there should be no excuses. Any educational offering should work.
I know if you persist you will find what you need and can end your pattern of failure. Your second marriage can be a success. Marriage is meant to be joyous; enjoy it!
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