Out of both desire and necessity, I have spent over 25 years working with women of all ages.
Through sharing my own experiences and the stories others have freely shared with me, there is the hope that someone else can grow and learn...
maybe even with less pain than those of us who have gone before! This is a story that had great value for me as a young woman.
If you don't feel it applies to you after you've read it, tuck it away.
You may cross paths with someone at a later date that will be glad you did.
A single mother of two, I was 29 and looking for Mr.
Right to come into my life, preferably packing some 'happily ever after' in his back pocket.
My dating efforts were reaping one bad experience after another and my mentor, Faye, was rightfully concerned.
I refused to take time to focus on my own growth which was paramount for changing the men I attracted.
In her early 40's, Faye didn't beat around the bush as much as I would have liked.
"Cathy, you really want a man in your life right now, don't you?" Eager that she was finally ready to concentrate on the important things I replied, "Yes, why are you asking?" "Well, I've been thinking," she baited me, "You seem to know what you want in this man; the qualities and character he needs to have.
Am I right?" Naïve as I was, she had me, "Yes, I know what I want.
Why Faye, what's up?" Having me hooked she announced, "I've come up with a little exercise I want you to do.
" Faye knew it would benefit me to write and journal.
She encouraged anything that might help me get in touch with my feelings and identify the reasons I continually struggled.
Since most of her sensible suggestions went over my head, I imagined that this exercise was going to help find the man of my dreams.
I was eager and attentive.
Her instructions were simple.
She asked me to take out a pen and paper and describe for her the ideal man I pictured.
What qualities did he have and how would I know he was the one for me? I was to write my ideas down on paper and come back to her with the complete description when I finished.
In all the years she worked with me on my personal growth, I never listened and followed directions as thoroughly and quickly as I did with this homework assignment.
Within 48 hours I was calling to schedule a time to talk with her about my completed description.
Meeting the very next afternoon, she waited lovingly and patiently as I read to her the details of this man who would make my world all I desired it to be.
Honestly, I can remember quite a few of the components I had listed because she had me looking at them for a very long time.
It went something like this: • He needs to be kind, considerate and loving; especially towards children that aren't his own.
• He should have a stable job and be financially secure; a man who is independent and responsible with his money.
• He needs to have a great sense of humor, yet know when to be serious and able to balance out the two.
• I want him to be humble and have a strong spiritual life.
God should be the only thing coming before me and my girls.
• It would be great if he was good-looking, but it isn't essential.
However, I want him be healthy and take good care of himself.
• I want a partner who I can trust and depend on.
He should be honest, faithful and always keep his promises.
• He needs to be a good listener, supportive and understanding.
I would also like him to be romantic and affectionate.
When I was finished, I was pretty proud of what I had accomplished.
In my little girl mind I may have hoped she could feed it into some type of computer and give me the name and address it would spit out.
Unfortunately, I was not at all prepared for what Faye had in mind.
"My," she began, "What a beautiful person you have described for me.
You have done such a wonderful job! It will make the next part of this exercise very simple for you.
" (For me? I thought I just did my part?!) Faye continued, "I'm going to ask you to take this list home and tape it to your bathroom mirror.
Every day, I want you to read it several times.
Practice, just a little at a time, every quality you would like to find in the partner you desire.
If you are committed and willing to change, you may just be able to acquire these magnificent qualities yourself over time.
Cathy, if you can do that, you just may be able to attract such a man.
" Call me a slow learner, but I did not see that coming; and she wasn't completely finished.
"You know I love you and I care about your future, Cathy.
But you need to realize there is a reason you are attracting the men you attract and having the difficulty you are having.
There are parts of your character that aren't healthy.
The voids you have can never be filled by something or someone else.
Working to become the best partner you could be is the only way I know to help you attract the type of partner you want to share your life with.
" My very first thought was, "Why did I have to make the list so darn long?!" While I could have cried that day in disappointment, I knew there was truth in what she said.
It was a very slow journey to become more of what I wanted in a partner, but over the years, her wisdom has proven to be priceless.
It has helped me to be a healthier and happier woman on my own and a partner who knows I can never afford to stop growing and changing.
Even with my husband, Scott, I have learned that if I want to see positive change in him, I will always do best to practice that change myself.
Truly, I have found a lot of 'happily ever after' in places I had never before thought to look.
Through sharing my own experiences and the stories others have freely shared with me, there is the hope that someone else can grow and learn...
maybe even with less pain than those of us who have gone before! This is a story that had great value for me as a young woman.
If you don't feel it applies to you after you've read it, tuck it away.
You may cross paths with someone at a later date that will be glad you did.
A single mother of two, I was 29 and looking for Mr.
Right to come into my life, preferably packing some 'happily ever after' in his back pocket.
My dating efforts were reaping one bad experience after another and my mentor, Faye, was rightfully concerned.
I refused to take time to focus on my own growth which was paramount for changing the men I attracted.
In her early 40's, Faye didn't beat around the bush as much as I would have liked.
"Cathy, you really want a man in your life right now, don't you?" Eager that she was finally ready to concentrate on the important things I replied, "Yes, why are you asking?" "Well, I've been thinking," she baited me, "You seem to know what you want in this man; the qualities and character he needs to have.
Am I right?" Naïve as I was, she had me, "Yes, I know what I want.
Why Faye, what's up?" Having me hooked she announced, "I've come up with a little exercise I want you to do.
" Faye knew it would benefit me to write and journal.
She encouraged anything that might help me get in touch with my feelings and identify the reasons I continually struggled.
Since most of her sensible suggestions went over my head, I imagined that this exercise was going to help find the man of my dreams.
I was eager and attentive.
Her instructions were simple.
She asked me to take out a pen and paper and describe for her the ideal man I pictured.
What qualities did he have and how would I know he was the one for me? I was to write my ideas down on paper and come back to her with the complete description when I finished.
In all the years she worked with me on my personal growth, I never listened and followed directions as thoroughly and quickly as I did with this homework assignment.
Within 48 hours I was calling to schedule a time to talk with her about my completed description.
Meeting the very next afternoon, she waited lovingly and patiently as I read to her the details of this man who would make my world all I desired it to be.
Honestly, I can remember quite a few of the components I had listed because she had me looking at them for a very long time.
It went something like this: • He needs to be kind, considerate and loving; especially towards children that aren't his own.
• He should have a stable job and be financially secure; a man who is independent and responsible with his money.
• He needs to have a great sense of humor, yet know when to be serious and able to balance out the two.
• I want him to be humble and have a strong spiritual life.
God should be the only thing coming before me and my girls.
• It would be great if he was good-looking, but it isn't essential.
However, I want him be healthy and take good care of himself.
• I want a partner who I can trust and depend on.
He should be honest, faithful and always keep his promises.
• He needs to be a good listener, supportive and understanding.
I would also like him to be romantic and affectionate.
When I was finished, I was pretty proud of what I had accomplished.
In my little girl mind I may have hoped she could feed it into some type of computer and give me the name and address it would spit out.
Unfortunately, I was not at all prepared for what Faye had in mind.
"My," she began, "What a beautiful person you have described for me.
You have done such a wonderful job! It will make the next part of this exercise very simple for you.
" (For me? I thought I just did my part?!) Faye continued, "I'm going to ask you to take this list home and tape it to your bathroom mirror.
Every day, I want you to read it several times.
Practice, just a little at a time, every quality you would like to find in the partner you desire.
If you are committed and willing to change, you may just be able to acquire these magnificent qualities yourself over time.
Cathy, if you can do that, you just may be able to attract such a man.
" Call me a slow learner, but I did not see that coming; and she wasn't completely finished.
"You know I love you and I care about your future, Cathy.
But you need to realize there is a reason you are attracting the men you attract and having the difficulty you are having.
There are parts of your character that aren't healthy.
The voids you have can never be filled by something or someone else.
Working to become the best partner you could be is the only way I know to help you attract the type of partner you want to share your life with.
" My very first thought was, "Why did I have to make the list so darn long?!" While I could have cried that day in disappointment, I knew there was truth in what she said.
It was a very slow journey to become more of what I wanted in a partner, but over the years, her wisdom has proven to be priceless.
It has helped me to be a healthier and happier woman on my own and a partner who knows I can never afford to stop growing and changing.
Even with my husband, Scott, I have learned that if I want to see positive change in him, I will always do best to practice that change myself.
Truly, I have found a lot of 'happily ever after' in places I had never before thought to look.
Source...