Some people will try and belittle your dreams. Some people will call you an old fool. Some people will be very supportive of you - those are the ones you want to hang around with.
Jean Johnson
We all need all the friends we can get - especially when we are getting older. The more friends we have, the better we tend to feel about ourselves (and the less likely we will be to die and lie there for weeks before anyone finds us - morbid, I know, but I bet it's nothing you haven't thought about before, is it?). However, the simple truth is that you won't make new friends unless you put some effort into it.
You know what I'm going to say don't you? That's right - join a club, take a course, attend social activities in your neighbourhood or at your local church or volunteer for a good cause. (I know you've been hearing this all your life, but that's because it's true, and you WILL meet new friends if you do any (or all) of the above and you make an effort to be an interesting (and interested) person. This is what Ernie J Zelinski has to say on the subject of making friends:
Unfortunately, with the loss of a job, some people also lose what they feel is their best opportunity to make new friends. If you have recently been retired or laid off and you want to meet new friends, you can't wait at home to be discovered. Nor are you going to meet new friends if you pursue your interests alone. If you watch TV or work on a solitary hobby all day long, you can rest assured that no new friends will come your way. Making new friends requires that you place yourself in communal and social situations where you can share yourself with others.
If you're a bit rusty in the friend-making department, think about people you already know and like - what is it that makes you like them? What qualities do they have that you could adopt for yourself? Don't worry too much about rejection. If you make friendly overtures towards someone and they don't respond in the way that you had hoped, don't get all het up about it - just tell yourself that it's their loss and move on to someone else. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you about making yourself attractive to other people is: don't be a moaner or a whinger and don't give organ recitals! (Giving organ recitals involves giving everyone you meet a blow-by-blow account of your latest illness, operation or stay in hospital.)
Existing friendships often change over time and we can sometimes start to feel uncomfortable, annoyed or even bored by friends who once meant everything to us. When I was a lecturer, I noticed quite often that, when mature students started to educate themselves and form new ideas and opinions, they often drifted away from some of their old friends (and, sometimes, even their partners) because they had changed and were no longer seen as the same old safe, predictable person they once were. Once you retire and start to explore all the different possibilities which are open to you, you may find that the friends who have a vested interest in you staying the same person might gradually disappear from your life. If you move forward in your life and start making changes, a gulf may develop between you which may mean that they either have to look at their own lives and make their own changes in order to keep up, or let you go (often the less painful of the two options).
Be able to recognize which friends are supporting you in your attempts to move forward in your life and which are holding you back. Later on, you may want to audit your friendships to see if they are working in the way you would want them to. In order to do this, you need to make a list of all your friends and the title of the role they play in your life. For example,
Jim - best friend
Megan - close friend
Ruth - neighbour
Rosie - ex-work mate
Mike - drinking buddy
Now, write down what you expect from someone in that role. Are your friends meeting those expectations? Come to think of it - do you come up to your own expectations of what a friend should be? Are you as good a friend as you think you are?
Periodically check on the state of your friendships. Are your needs still being met by the friendship? Does it feel good to be around this person or does their negativity make you feel contaminated? Are you free to be yourself when you are around them? Do they encourage you to pursue your dreams or do they try to hold you back? Do you ever feel used by this person? Do you feel you are being taken for granted? Do you get back from the friendship what you put into it?
And finally, what do you need to do today to get yourself a group of supportive friends of all ages who make you feel glad to spend time in their company?
Jean Johnson
We all need all the friends we can get - especially when we are getting older. The more friends we have, the better we tend to feel about ourselves (and the less likely we will be to die and lie there for weeks before anyone finds us - morbid, I know, but I bet it's nothing you haven't thought about before, is it?). However, the simple truth is that you won't make new friends unless you put some effort into it.
You know what I'm going to say don't you? That's right - join a club, take a course, attend social activities in your neighbourhood or at your local church or volunteer for a good cause. (I know you've been hearing this all your life, but that's because it's true, and you WILL meet new friends if you do any (or all) of the above and you make an effort to be an interesting (and interested) person. This is what Ernie J Zelinski has to say on the subject of making friends:
Unfortunately, with the loss of a job, some people also lose what they feel is their best opportunity to make new friends. If you have recently been retired or laid off and you want to meet new friends, you can't wait at home to be discovered. Nor are you going to meet new friends if you pursue your interests alone. If you watch TV or work on a solitary hobby all day long, you can rest assured that no new friends will come your way. Making new friends requires that you place yourself in communal and social situations where you can share yourself with others.
If you're a bit rusty in the friend-making department, think about people you already know and like - what is it that makes you like them? What qualities do they have that you could adopt for yourself? Don't worry too much about rejection. If you make friendly overtures towards someone and they don't respond in the way that you had hoped, don't get all het up about it - just tell yourself that it's their loss and move on to someone else. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you about making yourself attractive to other people is: don't be a moaner or a whinger and don't give organ recitals! (Giving organ recitals involves giving everyone you meet a blow-by-blow account of your latest illness, operation or stay in hospital.)
Existing friendships often change over time and we can sometimes start to feel uncomfortable, annoyed or even bored by friends who once meant everything to us. When I was a lecturer, I noticed quite often that, when mature students started to educate themselves and form new ideas and opinions, they often drifted away from some of their old friends (and, sometimes, even their partners) because they had changed and were no longer seen as the same old safe, predictable person they once were. Once you retire and start to explore all the different possibilities which are open to you, you may find that the friends who have a vested interest in you staying the same person might gradually disappear from your life. If you move forward in your life and start making changes, a gulf may develop between you which may mean that they either have to look at their own lives and make their own changes in order to keep up, or let you go (often the less painful of the two options).
Be able to recognize which friends are supporting you in your attempts to move forward in your life and which are holding you back. Later on, you may want to audit your friendships to see if they are working in the way you would want them to. In order to do this, you need to make a list of all your friends and the title of the role they play in your life. For example,
Jim - best friend
Megan - close friend
Ruth - neighbour
Rosie - ex-work mate
Mike - drinking buddy
Now, write down what you expect from someone in that role. Are your friends meeting those expectations? Come to think of it - do you come up to your own expectations of what a friend should be? Are you as good a friend as you think you are?
Periodically check on the state of your friendships. Are your needs still being met by the friendship? Does it feel good to be around this person or does their negativity make you feel contaminated? Are you free to be yourself when you are around them? Do they encourage you to pursue your dreams or do they try to hold you back? Do you ever feel used by this person? Do you feel you are being taken for granted? Do you get back from the friendship what you put into it?
And finally, what do you need to do today to get yourself a group of supportive friends of all ages who make you feel glad to spend time in their company?
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